Parenting your manuscript

In the many years when I was struggling to find a publisher, I often heard the mantra “you have to believe in your work.” And it’s true—it’s important that a writer take pride in her work like a parent takes pride in a child. A new parent is pretty sure that her child is the best, brightest, strongest, and most appealing in every way.

But at some point good parents recognize that a child may need a little work. He’s a teenaged slob. She’s mean. He’s unable to look people in the eye. She giggles too much.

Like a child, a manuscript may need a little work. So how does a writer remain self-confident while not being so self-confident that he is blind to the need of his manuscript to for judicious editing?

With a second set of eyes, that’s how. We’ve all known parents who refused to see the tiniest flaw in their precious darlings. There are numerous opportunities to get the information that little Billy or Lucy needs a little guidance, but some parents ignore it—to the detriment of their perfect monsters.

The same is true for an author. There are plenty of opportunities to find out if the manuscript measures up. Writer’s groups, beta readers, workshops, and paid editors can give an author the feedback he or she needs. The job of the author is not just to find way to get the feedback, but to use it constructively.

“Constructively” is the operative word. When you get feedback there are several ways to receive it:

1)   Believe all of it and twist yourself into a pretzel trying to incorporate each and every comment. Do this, and you’ll end up not only with a hot mess, but also deflated confidence. In fact, it’s a mark of low confidence to not be selective in using the edits that are suggested to you.

2)   Believe none of it. What a disappointment for a reader to put in the time and effort to give honest feedback, only to have the author dismiss every suggestion out of hand. This is self-deception at its worst.

3)   Weigh carefully the advice and figure out how it fits into the feel of the story. This isn’t something that happens overnight. When you first turn your manuscript over to people to critique, the first response you often have is #1 or #2 above-that is, “my manuscript is total crap and I’ve got to start over,” or “what idiots; the readers didn’t ‘get’ my brilliant manuscript.” It’s important to give the critique time to percolate and then remind yourself of what your goal was…and then figure out what changes will work best. Don’t just look at which opinions are in the majority and blindly follow them; instead, weigh them against what you want to accomplish.

The self-confident, "good" author knows that there’s always room for improvement and will invite it and use it wisely.

Uncomfortable Conference Encounters

This week I’m writing about something that came as a result of my blog post about shyness. I have a friend who is outgoing, well spoken, interesting and always worth talking to. She read the post and said that what she doesn’t know how to handle is when she’s at a conference or party in conversation with someone, and that person is obviously scouting the room for “someone better” to see or be seen with.

It happens to all of use. You approach someone to be friendly, only to find that aren’t interested in conversing if you aren’t obviously someone who 1) can help their career, 2) is famous, or at least recognizable, or 3) is worth being seen with.

Even worse is when you get up the courage to talk to someone you admire, only to find that it pains them to have to be seen with someone not as important as they are. I’ve rarely encountered Mr. or Ms. Too Cool for the Masses Ninety percent of the well-known writers I’ve encountered are more than generous. With those few “stars” who can’t be bothered, there’s not much to be done except slink away and vow never to buy any of their books again.

I’m just as sensitive to this kind of bad manners as most people. Usually when it happens, I’m so humiliated that I pretend I see someone I know and say, “Excuse me, I see someone I need to talk to.” And I slink away and go talk to the wall. But if you really want to do something more, I’d say the way you handle it depends on how much you care—if you want to teach them a lesson or if you just want to extricate yourself and move on.

I’m not much for trying to teach a lesson because I think it’s a waste of time. But if I were feeling particularly snarky and annoyed, I probably would say something like, “I can see I’ve disturbed your search for someone. I’ll leave you to it.” At least it lets them know that their wandering eye isn’t lost on you.

But there’s another possibility. The person who is searching for “someone better” may actually be looking for someone. Or he may be tired, hungry, or grumpy about something that has nothing to do with you. Although there are polite ways to convey this, she may have reached the end of her ability to navigate the chaotic world of the conference.

The exceptionally entertaining, smart woman who talked to me about this said it makes her not like to go to conferences. That floored me. To think that someone as savvy as she is would allow herself to be turned away from what could be a valuable experience by someone who has no manners!

Bottom line the rude person is not worth one second of your attention, regardless of the reason for it. He or she may live in her own little hell of not being recognized enough. She may need something you can’t give her. Or, he may just be overwhelmed.

Bottom line: It’s not about you. Don’t let yourself be defined by people who don’t have good manners. Don’t let them waste your time for one moment. Have a stock phrase ready, like, “Nice chatting. Catch you later.” And walk away.